Lima Losers
by Cato's Little Sister
Summary: When Draco Malfoy's spunky twin sister decides to run away from home , she is dragged headfirst into the experience of a lifetime. She finds herself in the city of Lima, Ohio, and a certain "bad boy" falls head over heels for her...
1. A fiery conversation and a big decision

"_Ugh." _I thought. _"Why doesn't anybody understand?"_

My name is Natasha Luna Malfoy.

My dad said that me and my twin brother Draco (fraternal, thank goodness) would be attending Hogwarts tomorrow. He said that Draco and I would have a great time in Slytherin, looking down on all those "Filthy Mudbloods" and making lots of nice pure-blooded friends.

But I didn't want to do that.

That sounded evil and kind of dumb, you know?

So I said "Hey dad, I'm _**NOT GOING!**_"

But my dad didn't really like that too much, apparently.

So that's why I'm in my room about five hours ahead of schedule.

I didn't _want_ to be a true Malfoy.

I admit my family is totally messed up.

They value themselves too highly.

They think they're better than everyone else.

They're evil.

That's why I decided to run away.

They didn't let me eat dinner with them that night.

They wanted to punish me for what I had said.

So I grabbed my suitcase, and packed it.

I filled it with food, bottles of water, (I took these things from the kitchen where our servants and house elves worked; they promised not to tell.) clothes, and all my stuff from diagon alley.

(I would teach myself magic.)

I also grabbed my secret stash of muggle money.

And I snuck out of the house.

I ran to the nearest train station, bought a ticket, and sat down. A few people were there, but they took no notice of me.

I fell asleep.

I didn't know the train's destination.


	2. McKinley Middle school

_When I woke up, the train had stopped. People were getting off._

"Wha..? Dracodadmom???? Wherezamiwha…??" I mumbled.

Then I remembered the events of last night.

I bolted up and rushed off the train.

I ran out of the train station, and into the city the train had stopped in.

I walked through the city, dragging my suitcase behind me.

I hopped on a bus, and when it stopped, I remembered I should probably go to a school.

Any school.

Eventually, I found one.

The sign in front of it read "McKinley Middle School"

There was a larger building next to it, labeled "McKinley High".

I entered the middle school.

I walked up to a girl who was about my age and said "Hi, I'm Natasha Malfoy. Could you take me to the principal's office? I don't have my school books or schedule yet, and I would like to find a place to stay."

"You don't have a house?" queried the girl, who looked shocked.

"Not exactly. I ran away from home, because, well, it's complicated. I'm not running away forever, just temporarily."

"I'm Rachel Berry. I have lots of room at my house, and you're welcome to stay there for now!" she said.

And the rest is history.

Rachel and I were inseparable.

I stayed with her, and found out that I had a talent for singing. Rachel did too.

I also befriended a girl named Mercedes, and a boy named Kurt.

We soon graduated from middle school, and moved on up to high school together.

And that's where my story really got interesting…


	3. Puck's unrequited love

"_I can honestly say that I love you, Natasha. I've loved you since the day I met you, in middle school. I should have told you this sooner; we could've been boyfriend/girlfriend for so much longer."_

And by the look in his eyes I could that tell he meant it.

Gosh, I didn't want to break his heart!

But I didn't love him back.

I was going to have to tell Puck the truth.

Why does it have to be this hard for me?

It's not hard for my brother to hurt someone.

Dang!

"I'm…I'm sorry Puck. It's...it's just no use chasing after me. I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet." I said.

I told him the truth.

In my mind, romance was a waste of emotion.

I had never had a boyfriend.

I was a junior at McKinley High, and I had been in the school glee club "New Directions" for quite some time now.

Mr. Schue says I show promise.

Puck had been desperately in love with me for years now.

It made me sad for him, because I would like, never love him back, you know?

And then the day I found out I had a second admirer…

Boy, was that a day!

And now, let me tell you the full story of how Miss Rachel Berry went from my best friend to my worst enemy over a young man named

FINN HUDSON.


	4. Breaking three hearts at once

_That day, I found a note in my locker."_

It read:

I love you

You're cute.

When I see you

I blush so hard I feel like I'm choking on a boot.

You're as sweet as a pepper

Cute as a pea

I've caught the lovebug

Can't you see?

F.H.

I showed it to Rachel.

She screamed and, like slapped me.

Why would she do that?

She stormed off, leaving me with the love note and a red mark on my cheek.

I could not believe my BFF could be so mean!

"_F.H. F.H. Who on earth could that be?" _I thought.

"Oh. My. Gosh." I said.

FINN HUDSON gave this letter to me.

Now I'd be breaking two guy's hearts!

Oh, crap!

I noticed Finn staring at me. Puck was sitting next to him, also staring at me.

I wanted to cry.

I was breaking Rachel's heart as well, because she love Finn, but Finn loved me.

Plus, I was breaking Finn's heart, and Puck's heart.

This was too much.

Curse my empathetic heart!

I wanted to go home!

Even slytherin would be better than this.

That's why I went to the guidance counselor, Emma Pilsbury.


	5. Matchmaker

"_Well, Natasha, you've certainly gotten yourself into a mess!"_

I had explained everything to Emma.

"Many girls would love to be in your position, you know." she said.

"I know." I replied. I could honestly feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

So many girls would love being chased after, but my empathy prevented that.

Instead, it gave me great sorrow, to know that any one of the three people I have saddened could be crying their eyes out.

Well, not Finn.

Because he doesn't know his feelings are unrequited.

"Why don't you try playing matchmaker?" suggested Emma.

I seemed like a good idea.

Rachel/Finn.

But who on earth could I pair Puck with??

Hmm…

Hehehe…

It's time that miss Tina Cohen-Chang went on a blind date!

I rushed over to Tina after leaving Emma's office.

"Tina, I'm going to set you up on a blind date!" I squealed.

"W...wh…wha...wh...what? stuttered Tina.

"Go on, get yourself pretty! Meet me at Rachel's house at six o' clock sharp!" I said.

Then I called up Puck.

"Hey Mister Puck! You'd better _**Pucker up,**_ 'cuz there's someone I'd like you to meet!!!" I screamed into the phone.

What a shock they were going to have!


	6. My brother and my BFF

_Tina was waiting for her blind date inside of Rachel's house._

"W-w-w-when?" she stuttered.

Ugh. That stutter was totally annoying. I knew for a fact that Puck hated people who stuttered.

"Tina, try not to stutter on your date, okay?"

When I had told her to "Pretty up", she TOTALLY prettied herself up. I mean, you could hardly recognize her. She was beautiful.

"Ding dong!"

Yay! I rushed to the door, flung it open, expecting Puck, but finding someone else.

"THERE YOU ARE, YOU LITTLE SQUIB! YOU ARE IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE!"

Oh, crap.

Draco.

I hadn't seen his face in five years.

And right now, it looked furious.

I was in so much shock I almost fainted.

How on earth did he find me?

Rachel, upon hearing all the noise, rushed downstairs.

She saw Draco, and their eyes met.

Draco stopped screaming at me for a second.

Love at first sight.

"Don't think I'm not done with you yet, Natasha. I'm telling father as soon as I get the chance. But for now…"

Draco went over to Rachel and she kissed him.

What the heck was going on around here?


	7. Voldie and Puck

_Oh, boy. When Draco said he wasn't done with me yet, he wasn't kidding._

I've outsmarted Draco over the years, but this time around, I may have to admit defeat.

I was sitting in a small, old, disgustingly disgusting house. And Voldemort was coming in about five minutes. Crap.

Draco had called father after he and Rachel stopped kissing.

Now, Rachel had been totally conflicted because she was now in love with Draco, but she still cared about me. She wasn't sure who to side with.

In the end, she sided with me.

"Draco, don't do anything to harm your sister. That wouldn't be very chivalrous, now would it?"

But Draco, being as cunning and manipulative (and evil) as he is, convinced her he was not going to hurt me.

Father had teleported here and things happened pretty fast from that point.

Father was of course furious, and took me to the shrieking shack to let Voldemort deal with me. I wasn't sure why my family was so worked up about this. Was there something I was missing?

And sure enough, before I could form a good escape plan, Voldie appeared. (The name Voldie makes him sound way cuter and less likely to kill you, BTW.)

"Well, well, well. Natasha Malfoy. The girl who lived, eh? I never thought I'd live to see your face again." He chirped.

"What the heck are you jabbering on about, Voldie?" I replied.

I was being pretty dang funny if I should say so myself, but Voldie probably didn't appreciate my attempts at humor.

"I tried to kill you once, Miss Malfoy, but you see, my powers again ricocheted just as they did with Harry Potter. Except you don't seem to carry as much angst as Potter, nor do you have a scar." He went on.

"BEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP, BEEP!"

"Oh, hold on there, Voldie! My tamagotchi pooped! Gotta clean that up there…. Oh, what the heck! Come on, Mametchi! Let's play hurdles!"

"MISS MALFOY!" boomed Voldemort.

"What is it, Voldie-mart? Hey, that's a good idea! You could have a chain of convenience stores! VOLDIE-MART!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A green light began to flash around me, as if I had some sort of force field around me.

I started doing a cool victory dance, since Voldie couldn't kill me.

"Oh, and Voldie-Mart, why are you trying to kill me, anyways? Why am I the girl who lived?"

He began to talk.

"Because, Natasha. You are destined to kill me. You and Potter, together you have the power to vanquish me. Potter, he is weaker than you. I can't seem to kill him, though I can weaken him. I can't weaken you at all, can I ,Miss Malfoy?"

But then I got this idea.

I dialed a number on my phone.

"Oh, Puck, save me please! I'm in England, in a place called the shrieking shack! Oh, help me! Force my brother Draco to take you there! He's at Rachel's house! I'll kiss you if you come!"

Sure enough, Draco and Puck appeared a couple minutes later.

Draco looked really beat up.

"How about that kiss?" said Puck.

Crap. I hadn't thought this plan through very well.

"Oh, alright." I said.

I walked up and kissed Puck on the cheek.

Voldemort, who had basically given up at this point, called Snape.

"Snape, I need some pepperoni pizza! STAT!"

I hugged Puck.

"Thanks for saving me." I said.

"Anything for you, Natasha."

And Draco took us back using that transporting power that he learned at Hogwarts to take us back.

Yes, it seemed like a happy ending…for now, that is.

Puck will probably brag about his "new girlfriend" tomorrow.

You know what? I don't care.

Everything seems to be working out right now.

What can I say? I'm on a roll.


	8. The fantastic four

_Finn looked at me._

The look on his face said it all.

"_You chose him over me?"_

Puck. He spread the rumor that he and I were "going out" now.

Puck came up to me at that moment.

"How's about you and me, tonight, 8 pm, pizza place? A good second date, right?"

"Puck, we aren't 'going out'. We're just friends. Do you understand?"

"No."

'Why not?"

"Why aren't you open to romance, Natasha?"

"It's a little bit of Malfoy coldness that stayed with me, Puck. I know you may not like it, but please respect it, okay?"

"Okay. No pressure."

This was so unlike Puck! Normally he would've been all "kissy-kissy", trying to taint my pure lips (kisses on the cheek don't count!), but this time he was totally cool about it.

Puck and I started hanging out a lot more after that.

(Tina never did get to go on that date.)

One day, Rachel joined us. She brought Finn along with her.

And we sat under a big oak tree, away from the shade of the bright April sun.

And guess what? We totally got along well!

So from that moment on, we became: ~N.F.P.R.~ Natasha, Finn, Puck, and Rachel.

The fantastic four.

Well, okay, we weren't superheroes, but still.

And it felt great to be friends with Rachel again.

And I totally liked hanging out with Finn and Puck.

They didn't seem so hopelessly in love with me anymore, which was comforting.

Everything seemed okay, for now.


End file.
